"...and pure power don't power trip" --Mos Def
from "Just Begun" by Reflection Eternal feat. Jay Electronica, J. Cole, Mos Def from the Revolutions Per Minute album
So I've been running a little bit...doing my training thing and all, and I feel pretty good right now. I'm not sore today...granted I should be running right now but it's dark outside. This is only my first week running and I'm only running about 3 miles right now. Three miles at this point is starting to feel good. By the weekend, I'll go up to 4-5. Let's keep in mind that this half marathon isn't until April, so I have plenty of time, right?
I've been thinking a lot about this challenge in my life, and I want to do it right. I want something to keep me honest throughout this, so I've been thinking about running for a particular charity; you know, something that is near and dear to my heart. I do also realize that I don't know what the future brings...maybe I'll get another job that puts me away from New York during the weekend of the marathon...but my training will continue and if I can make it to the city, I will run.
I will run to the very best of my ability.
But anyway, today (Dec 1, 2010) was an interesting day to say the least. Where shall I begin? The fire alarm went off before our first show started. Luckily it was a fire drill...but my question is this: Who holds a fire drill when there are visitors at your school? I don't mean just the six of us, but the hundreds of kids that took a bus to see a show. Because of that (and the fact that we were waiting for another bus of kids) we started like 50 minutes late. I was approached to juggle for the kids that were waiting so patiently, and I almost did it. Good thing I didn't do it, because by the time I would have started, the fire alarm would have gone off.
Everyday is a new opportunity for me to correct all of the mistakes I made the day before. I believe in making the effort to do the "perfect show". I know there's probably no such thing as a perfect show, but I want things to run smoothly without any hiccups. I know that things happen, cues are sometimes dropped or whatever, but just making the effort means a lot to me. A lot of what has happened so far has been a giant hiccup. I do believe that most of us are trying really, really hard to prevent it and there is only so much that we can do. Everybody is accountable for their own actions...which means more importantly that everyone is responsible for their own stupidity.
My very first theater job in New York was as a deck hand for an Off-Broadway show on 42nd Street. I remember the first preview, the PSM told everyone on headset that "it's okay to make a mistake...as long as you learn from it." I apply that to my life and this tour especially, I think I may have even said it. But it seems like one particular person doesn't ever seem to learn from their mistakes...
...or he/she (see how I'm protecting this person) just chooses not to learn anything.
That's what I'm so frustrated about. I don't expect the same mistake to happen multiple times...that's just stupid. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result.
I think I'm just going to take this person to the side and get him/her to work on correcting his/her mistakes. I'm at the point where if I don't, I may snap and the last thing we need is me snapping....or anyone else for that matter, because we all have tried so hard to make everything work in a fluid, seamless way. We've been able to do the impossible and difficult, but it's about time for this to not be impossible. No more break downs, or anything.
*now listening to "Stakes is High" by De La Soul from the Stakes Is High album*
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